The Return of Faith

Semester break is over. I'm back to classes as usual.

Yesterday was the first class after a week break. Also, after a long 2 weeks of having no Dr R around. He was busy in some conference overseas I think. I had spent 3 days in a row going to CeLT in Setiawangsa for some online lecturer shootings and I was exhausted by the time I had to go to class yesterday. I was literally dragging my feet to class. And was at the verge of holding my eyes open with matchsticks.

(okay I just googled some images for 'eye open matchsticks' and they were all so creepy so I'm not gonna put em in here.)

It was fun to be back in class with a lot of people to talk with. I felt like finally people were taking me seriously after I showed some skills in the lab works. The US election was the main topic pre-class, so it was kinda interesting. US politics are waaaaay more interesting than local politics so I got a few sayings in that. Then, Dr R came in bringing some heart-breaking news about our theory test. He said he was disapointed and that we all sucked. (Not his words, I'm just summarizing them in simpler terms).

Then, the class continued with the lesson. I had no idea what the lecture was about (as usual) but he was funny as hell and everyone just had to laugh at his jokes. I have to admit I enjoyed it despite being clueless about Marshall Mix Design. I mean, what does pavement design have anything to do with baking a cake?

 

Recipe for baking a cake. 1/2 kg salt for seasoning. 

The climax of yesterday's class happened at the end. He was returning our test papers that we victoriously sucked at. First he listed all the marks in ascending order, lowest (5/30) to highest (25.5/30) (I did't know why though, nobody wanted to know other people's results), and then he called us out one by one. My heart was on the verge of exploding and my hands were shaking so hard when my name didn't come up until almost the very end. I thought I failed and my heart just sank.

It's funny when life takes a sudden turn when you had expected to go straight down the edge of the cliff. I mean, I knew I sucked at the test. i had no idea what I was writing and I almost cried when I saw the questions. I had thought all my weeks of studying was for nothing. Thank you, God. Thank You for reminding me my brains work fine. I scored a 24.5 out of 30. My sinking heart resurfaced but my trembling hands trembled even more. I was in the top 3.

I did it!

I guess this was a boost of confidence. I had given myself such a hard time, punishing my brains and body for not doing enough, and it wore me out. I still have no clue about HMAs and SMAs and stuff, but I now know I'm going somewhere.

Oh, ye have so little faith

Don't doubt it, don't doubt it

Victory is in my veins

I know it, I know it

And I will not negotiate

I'll fight it, I'll fight it

I will transform

(Rise by Katy Perry)