The next challenge of paving roads...

I know I have been complaining a LOT about Statistics. I mean, that subject is tough. But honestly, it isn't as stressful as Pavement Materials. Sometimes during this course, I wonder why on earth am I studying this? I have no interest in learning about what roads are made of and I certainly hate the smell of tar (or bitumen in more correct terms) and the dustiness of aggregates.

Pavement Materials have been torchering my soul since the very beginning. The professor is a genius, which makes it harder for us commoners to process his lectures. I find myself usually lost in class, dragging my mind back to it when he makes jokes that are ridiculously too funny not to laugh at.

The struggle is real...

Tomorrow's another test. I had spent half of yesterday trying to make sense of the subject. HMAs... SMAs... Oh what nonsense is this? Why is my brains not being nice to me? Maybe I'm just too old to think about what air voids can do to roads. Or more importantly, how to calculate those voids and argue about what's best for them.

My friend said that I complain about how this is the toughest subject and yet managed to score high marks in the test. Well... It's purely luck. I had no idea what I was doing. My mind was all over the place and honey... 24.5/30 is NOT high marks in Anne's level. 24.5 is a "lucky I didn't fail" category for me.

But life goes on. There are things we just have to go through in life that cannot be avoided. I need to graduate this Masters thing and to do that, I need to pass this paper. The key is to fall in love with this subject, and get to know everything about it. I know how to turn rocks into roads now. I just need to understand why everything is everything.

So, I have no choice but to do this.

And full marks goes to...

Google you suck… why u close down the blogger app?  Now I am stuck using MS word in class to update my blog. Something I shouldn’t do but hey, I can’t keep being too goody. Nobody likes good girl anne.

So I have been pretty busy with classes… labs… and whatnots. The only time I have to blog is during PMS class coz my lazy brains just wouldn’t concentrate on the lecture. Why am I mumbling again?

Speaking of mumbling, a lecturer (unintentionally of course) said I was talkative. 😂 So apparently I am miss chatterbox. Well… if I wasn’t chatty, the class would be too quiet you’d start hearing crickets, no? I light up the room! But yeah… I guess I should reduce my chattiness. I wouldn’t wannabe a student version of Fran Fine, ahhahahhhhaa… (imagine i'm saying that with the nasal effect)

I got my AAP test 1 results. Guess who scored 100%? I’ll tell ya. Little Miss Chatterbox! See now I talk a lot, I write a lot but I don’t talk only empty words, baby. My words make sense to some people. And most importantly, my lecturers. I guess it helps raise my spirits now. I was at a low point thinking I flunked every test. Fortunately, I still got it!

#Ididit #alhamdulillah #ThankYouGod

Of course I will not be overconfident. There’s still a loooooong way to go. I still have the brain scraping statistics test coming up soon. And lab works/reports I know nothing about. So far my friends have been so supportive and helpful, kinda makes me feel guilty for being weak and helpless. I'm starting to feel the exhaustion of being a student and it's wearing me out mentally, emotionally and physically. Just need to be careful where I step on now. It's getting tougher. 

Stop breaking my heart...

Lately i find myself suffering from insomnia. I couldn't sleep, couldn't think straight... you're in my mind all the time. Oh what a challenge you are. So complicated, so foreign. We live so near and yet it feels like we're worlds apart. You break my heart everytime i see u in class. I couldn't understand you... It feels like you're slipping further away everytime I try. Don't you see how much I care for you? Why can't you love me back? What do i have to do, to sacrifice, to finally get you?

Oh Statistics... Stop breaking my heart..

The Lady and the Highwaymen

Just in case you don't get it (The pun, I mean). Here's a clue.

The Lady and the Highwaymen. See what I did there?

I know I may have mentioned how much I LOVE writing. I had series of secret diaries and journals when I was a teenager. (mostly about boyfriends and/or hating life) I even still have it. You know just in case I died and people want to read the ridiculous chronicles of Anne. But... despite having sooooo much to write about today, I am in no mood to do so. Don't ask me why. I have the weirdest laziness when I have so much to say. It's just my brains being a scumbag.

I'll just summarize the stuff I wanna share. The rest will be in my other journal for safe keeps. You know, the one with a password and full of regrets? 😝

You know just as I was starting to write the sentences, I find myself being odd and a little bit too enlivened for my own good. If I start babbling I might end up writing nonsense. I blame the exhaustion. My body is too tired to let my brain think. So I'll just put up this photo as a summary of today. 😓

Now aren't I a selfie magnet, there?

Lab works are exhausting. It's dusty and fumy (is that even a word?) and hot and sticky. See why I chose the path of an educator? I can be clean and safe all day long. But, Thank God for these cool, funny, friendly people in my class, it turned out to be fun. Everyone was so helpful and hillarious. Oh I also just have to mention the pre-lab discussion (or debate?) we had about Israel vs Palestine. That was surprisingly, intellectually fun. 

Credits to Yazeed from Palestine. (It's pronounced pa-lest-taine, by the way)

💖

p/s : Everyone needs a little inspiration in class, right?  💘

Encryption of the Metafile

Whatever that means.

I love helping people. It makes me feel good about myself. When people ask me for help, I would always do my best not to disappoint them. However, despite that, I also hate being taken advantage of. Yeah, of course I have some trust issues. I need to protect my own feelings from disappointment due to my own ignorant and carelessness.

Surprisingly, this is the ONLY meme i googled that fits this entry

When people ask me to lend them money, I would just let them know that I barely have enough for myself. Not kidding. When people ask me to drive them somewhere, I would tell them I am a cowardly driver who uses Waze to work my way around even after driving the same roads for weeks. If you know me, you would know this is true. When people ask me to teach them something, I would study like crazy and try as much as I can to share the knowledge. When people ask me for a copy of my assignments, I'll be glad to give them, but of course I would secure them like crazy first.

It's not that I want to put 'terms and conditions' on everything I do for people, I just don't want to end up hating myself when people take advantage of my attempt of kindness. It's better to be safe then sorry, right? I just hope people understand why i do the things I do. I try to be kind. But at the same time, I don't want to be fooled.

So I hope people don't stop asking me for help because I would do what I can to do it.

Introducing Mrs Kia

In class, with my ipad. Being a typical student. Bored as hell.

Nobody likes a Mr or Miss know-it-all. That’s general knowledge. I know some occasions I have been one myself. And honestly, I hate myself for that. I’d understand if I end up friendless and enemy-full.

I try not to label or judge anyone. I mean, I would be a hypocrite myself if I do the things I hate people do. But hey, that’s what blogs and journals are for, right? To express your feelings to the world except that person.

The Mrs Kia in this class right now is annoying the hell outta me. Okay fine, we know you are working in a big company and know a lot about pavement technology, we get it. But stop acting like you know more than the lecturer. I mean, finishing the lecturer’s sentences… interfering with his lectures… reminding everyone in class every minute that you know everything…arguing about every effing word the lecturer says…  just urgh, bich shut up already and let the man talk!

It’s good though. There always has to be one person in class that we all need to hate. Because of Mrs Kia, the focus isn’t on me, so yeay! Knowing my history in previous institutes, not being hated in class is a huge milestone reached.

The Return of Faith

Semester break is over. I'm back to classes as usual.

Yesterday was the first class after a week break. Also, after a long 2 weeks of having no Dr R around. He was busy in some conference overseas I think. I had spent 3 days in a row going to CeLT in Setiawangsa for some online lecturer shootings and I was exhausted by the time I had to go to class yesterday. I was literally dragging my feet to class. And was at the verge of holding my eyes open with matchsticks.

(okay I just googled some images for 'eye open matchsticks' and they were all so creepy so I'm not gonna put em in here.)

It was fun to be back in class with a lot of people to talk with. I felt like finally people were taking me seriously after I showed some skills in the lab works. The US election was the main topic pre-class, so it was kinda interesting. US politics are waaaaay more interesting than local politics so I got a few sayings in that. Then, Dr R came in bringing some heart-breaking news about our theory test. He said he was disapointed and that we all sucked. (Not his words, I'm just summarizing them in simpler terms).

Then, the class continued with the lesson. I had no idea what the lecture was about (as usual) but he was funny as hell and everyone just had to laugh at his jokes. I have to admit I enjoyed it despite being clueless about Marshall Mix Design. I mean, what does pavement design have anything to do with baking a cake?

 

Recipe for baking a cake. 1/2 kg salt for seasoning. 

The climax of yesterday's class happened at the end. He was returning our test papers that we victoriously sucked at. First he listed all the marks in ascending order, lowest (5/30) to highest (25.5/30) (I did't know why though, nobody wanted to know other people's results), and then he called us out one by one. My heart was on the verge of exploding and my hands were shaking so hard when my name didn't come up until almost the very end. I thought I failed and my heart just sank.

It's funny when life takes a sudden turn when you had expected to go straight down the edge of the cliff. I mean, I knew I sucked at the test. i had no idea what I was writing and I almost cried when I saw the questions. I had thought all my weeks of studying was for nothing. Thank you, God. Thank You for reminding me my brains work fine. I scored a 24.5 out of 30. My sinking heart resurfaced but my trembling hands trembled even more. I was in the top 3.

I did it!

I guess this was a boost of confidence. I had given myself such a hard time, punishing my brains and body for not doing enough, and it wore me out. I still have no clue about HMAs and SMAs and stuff, but I now know I'm going somewhere.

Oh, ye have so little faith

Don't doubt it, don't doubt it

Victory is in my veins

I know it, I know it

And I will not negotiate

I'll fight it, I'll fight it

I will transform

(Rise by Katy Perry)

Asking for help

i have this problem. I hate asking for help. Mainly because I hate feeling disapointed when people refuse to help. Unfortunately Dr L gave us an assignment where we have to ask people for favors. It's an easy favor, but my pride is so stupidly huge, i feel like it's calculus-hard.

I have to collect 30 photos of people's car meter. For analysis purposes. And take the same meter a week after. So far i got 4. 26 to go.

SEMESTER BREAK...!!!

For absolutely no reason at all... Here's a selfie. It's the semester break, y'all!!! Time to spend ONE week being lazy and sleeping with statistics. 

Breathing Dust and Sniffing Asphalt

It's all in the work of a highway engineer. The smell of Asphalt is like a second oxygen for us. Flammable and yet, inevitable. So for the Pavement Materials course, we had to complete some lab works. I was set up into a group of 4 guys and me. A single cute guy from Libya, a married hunk from Nigeria and 2 locals. (see how I have no adjectives for the locals there?) I can honestly say at this point I am happy with my group. The guys are all gentleman and they rock. So far Lab works have been fun.

Just me and my boys. Yeah I need that diet.

Me and Esh. 

p/s : Oh have I mentioned that these foreigners in my class are sangat kacak? Best dapat cuci mata oooh...  Yeah, It has been inspiring. Perks of being Miss Single. 

Boo!

Tests and moving on with life...

Wow it has been almost... ALMOST a month since my last post. As you can see I was very very busy studying for tests, studying for the sake of knowledge and surviving student life. Let me rephrase that. Paid-student life. By that I mean the weekly if not daily sessions of shopaholicness.

The first test was about Pavement materials. Honestly I can tell you that it was DIFFICULT. I mean I studied soooooo hard, I made notes, I studied every chapter and lectures Dr R gave us. Took me off the blogging world for a few weeks because of this. It was postponed after a week so we had an extra week to struggle to pass it.

Sadly, it was nothing like I expected. i mean, I thought I had it all prepared. I had labeled all the important notes in the big book, small book, specs and EVERYTHING but the question was about the future. By that I mean, the question was on a chapter we haven't even been introduced yet. So basically, the test was not a test. It was a self-brainstorming-study session with marks. Sigh...

I am not complaining about it so much, though. I mean this is masters class, so what do we expect? Definitions and Theory Concepts? Of course not. I just hope somehow I managed to pass the test. I don't care if I don't excel, just give me passing marks. I never liked learning about bitumen and aggregates anyways. (That's Tar and Stones for you non engineers out there).

The second test was by Dr L, for Accident Analysis & Prevention. This time, I didn't study at all. I just read through his journal papers and notes and flashbacks of his lectures. Turned out the question was easy. I'm not going to be overconfident about this, though. I did answer the questions as well as I could but I have no idea how the marking scheme worked. I may have over-answered.

So what I learned so far about this Masters thing is that you NEVER underestimate the lesson. Everything is an uphill drive. Now I am more worried about Statistics. Brains, we can do this together!

This is the happy faces before the test. I did not take an after one. 

The struggle with probabilities...

Permutations... Combinations... nCr... nPr... yeah, welcome back to 2001. A year when my brains hiccuped and my heart was full of hatred towards school.

Or at least it felt like that. I'm here again, studying statistics to pass my masters and we have just finished the second chapter. The very much feared : Probabilities.  In school, I didn't care at all about passing my SPM Additional Maths. I ignored the chapter (and a few others) and relied on my common sense to pass the exams. There's no escape now. Unfortunately.

In addition to that, I also realized I gained like 4 kgs since my study leave. 4 kilos! of fat! If I don't freak out now, I am sooooo going to be me 2 years ago. I need to find my motivation, inspiration and determination again. Oh I am so drammatic! The thought of being fat and wearing size M and L again can drive me towards suicide!

So from the sound of my post you can see how last week has been a very tiring and depressing week. I'm not going to blame the world for everything because there were also some good things in my life. My eConvergence video won second prize which is good as it was second from 160 participants. So I got that going good there.

I just need to find a little strength and peace to find my way through. Come on brains, we can do this!

It's getting harder...

3 weeks of Pavement Materials and I can already feel the heat. The subject is getting tougher by the minute and nothing's a joke anymore. Whoever said Masters is easy should be put in prison and whipped. It's not easy at all...!

Everything's in the fast lane and if you don't catch up, you're gonna get left behind. I thought pavement materials is as easy as knowing the materials. I thought wrong. It's EVERYTHING about the materials, in terms I have never heard of in my life! And the worst thing is, I am not even exaggerating! You know what rheology is? Of course not. When did you ever had to use the term 'rheology' in your life.

yep. I still don't get it either. 

And the list goes on. The reason I don't write em in here (to make my point) is because I forgot them. There's just soooo many scientific bituminous (or asphaltic for that matter) terms that I had to pretend I know, so I don't get questioned in class.

I'm not saying the lecturer is bad. He's awesome in his ways. Hell he knows everything about pavement materials without glancing at a book. Even I wonder how on earth could a human being keep so much input in the brains without ONCE referring to anything? But the thing is, we (the students) are not like that. We just woke up happy one day and suddenly had to learn the rheological properties of bitumen. At least now I know how my students feel when I talk and talk and force them to listen and understand, when they clearly don't.

So i got a book. A copied book which is illegal in most countries. But we can't help being Asian and the reason why we are not poor is because we tend to save a lot from piracy. And I got another book which is NOT a copy. An original book by the professor himself. I don't know why I'm writing this down but since this is my master's journal, everything is important.

we bought a book

Friendswise: All is well I can assume. I got some girls who laugh as much as I do. There's a couple of girls who have this weird, snobbish aura, but ignorable. The other guys tend to stick with their cliques. I guess to avoid complications knowing how the minds of the local work. But I will survive.

I should start reading through notes before class begins. My laziness is killing me.

The Money, The Power and The Ego

I have met obnoxious people in my life before. You know the kind who got lucky in life, getting rich by luck and a little effort. These people appear everywhere in social medias and in and out of our daily lives. The thing is, most people are subtle about these things. They tend to be very careful in hiding their real agenda between captions and background images. You have to be very observant to realize that their Instagrams are always about the "brands" instead of the product.

a little introduction...

Last night's class should be named after the professor. It was 90% about his life than it was about the course. And trust me, he wasn't even trying to be subtle, as he talked about 'depreciation' of value.

"Let me give you an example. I bought my Mercedes E series for 407k. In 5 years the value changed to 100k..."

Okay so, this is nothing, right? It continues..

"So while waiting to buy a new E-series car, I decided to sell the one I have... Oh by the way this is just me. I like changing cars, only Class A cars by the way... because it's the ONE thing I can do..." (apparently golf, fishing and other hobbies don't exist in the world of the rich and fabulous)

You get it now? No?

"Now let's talk about 'appreciation' of value. I give myself as an example. 10 years ago I bought a land in a nearby area for 1.7million. After changing it from agriculture to commercial, the value of my land is now 10million..."

Okay we get it. You're rich.

"The last time I went to Europe on a private tour package..."

And he kept rubbing it in our faces all night long, in between politic talks about how Najib and Dr M got screwed over by some guy named Jo Low (however you spell it). Something that shouldn't be discussed in a class full of foreigners. Sigh, professor. Where is your professionalism? I realized I only admired his success in life for the first 5 minutes of the class. At first I was like whoaaa... a rich ass professor. I like this guy. But after 10 examples (revolving around himself), the class appeared as a joke.

It got worse when he started to say he could recognize the rich people and poor people in the class. While shamelessly pointing out examples. That's cruel, man.

And if you spend the first class criticizing the lecturer, you know you're gonna have a hard time all semester long. So the solution is to come back to this class next semester with a positive mind. At least I'd know what's coming.

Time to burst that balloon, Professor Trump. 

Lemme Take a Selfie

So, I usually arrive at class early. One time I decided to take a selfie. Here it is... For absolutely no reason at all...

First to arrive in class. Great opportunity for a selfie. 

So it's been a week...

...since my last post... Well, not exactly my last post, but a week since an experience worth blogging about. Everyday since then had been normal, busy and blogworthless. Wow I invented a new word there, see? No? Never mind.

So this whole week was alright. Nothing interesting happened in class except I found out that Masters is NOT as easy as everybody made it out to be. My only advantage is my language skills which doesn't matter much since everyone else is equipped with their hands-on engineering skills. It's gonna be a tough fight to survive and pass this, I know.

So I'm all set. I have dropped the ridiculously boring Research Methodology. I am now appealing to register for Construction Business Management. I hope all will turn out fine and I'll be all set to grad on time.

...and the MOST BORING lecturer award goes to...

Sunday's professor.. Have you ever been so bored in class, you wanna poke your finger into your eye, reach through your brains... and swirl it all around? Yeah. That was how Sunday's class went. It was only the first class for Research methodology and this particular lecturer took the whole 3 hours to introduce us to a galaxy of infinite research chapters.

It sucked.

And all that was in my mind was to equip myself with a shotgun and blast somebody's head off. I'll give you a hint. Not mine.

It's not really my thing, condemning lecturers. I mean, I am an educator myself but hell, I actually took effort to make my classes as interesting as possible. It's 2016 for God's sake! Why would you make rules that defies the need of humanity? The rules, as I can recall are as the following:

1. All Mobiles, PDS, Smartphones, Tablets MUST be SWITCHED OFF
2. Do NOT talk to your neighbours

So basically it's prison. It's prison to torcher us 30+ year olds who did nothing wrong except pay to be in this boringness of a class. No talking. No playing with the phone. And No Sleeping. Mhm... There's only one solution to survive this semester.

 DROP.

 

So much for a "holiday"...

You know what they call this scheme i'm in, taking 18 months off work to pursue my masters? Well in Malay it's called Cuti Belajar Bergaji Penuh Dengan Biasiswa (CBBP DB) or translated into English as Fully Paid Study Leave with Scholarship. But see that word "Cuti"? Yeah... It means holidays... as in wake up everyday at noon and sleep at 3 am. Holidays...as in FREEDOM to do things according to your own schedule.

But NOPE. My dream to have a 3 day weekend twice is shattered by the fact that I have classes on both Saturday and Sunday. So while people are flying back home for Eid (al-adha) on Monday and Malaysia Day on Friday... I am stuck having to attend classes. Bummer, indeed!

Anyways today is my 4th day attending class. The course is called Pavement Management System (PMS). The lecturer is a senior engineer, Mr Z from JKR. So far, I'm getting along fine with my classmates, although cliqueness is in store and I am sure I am nobody's favourite. (Everyone is so married!) But yeah, it's all good. Also. in all 4 classes, I was always the first one to arrive. Talk about being Hermione-ish.

So far, these are the subjects I'm taking. Plot twist, though... The Monday class has changed to Wednesday, and the Wednesday class has moved to Saturday, 9am -12pm. So as for right now, my off-days are on Monday and Tuesday... 

Statistics All Over Again...

And so, the nightmare returns... Remember the 17 days course I had to attend in April-May? Well, yesterday's class was all about that. So I have to dedicate another 45 hours of my life to pass this course. It's scary, but somehow I gotta do it.

 The lecturer, Prof Dr Law seemed nice. But obviously nice won't guarantee an A. I guess, it's time to go book hunting in the so-called huge UPM library, somewhere I don't know yet. And it is during moments like these I am thankful the QA course was compulsory. And that we had to sit through an exam to pass it.

If I keep my brains rolling, I might have a chance to score this subject. I just need to dig through my old notes again. Oh I also found a friend. Kinda quiet and doesn't speak much but seems okay. She's also on study leave so yeah, glad to know I am not alone.

Tehopa Tohobe... Here I come...!

Image by Google, duh!

First Class and First Assignment

I realized that I have been staying at my sister's house for 4 days now and I have only attended ONE class. Yesterday's class was the rescheduled Pavement Materials by Dr Ratna. So far, it seemed okay. I have a feeling it'll be a tough one, so hopefully I can catch up. Got my first assignment, a research on pavement materials and testings. I have the notes for that, just need to arrange it in an ''assignment" manner.

The cost of living in KL is madness. I think I have spent almost 1k on stuff I don't even remember buying. Classes starts mostly at 6pm and so far I have been spending the day traveeling here and there and in Shopping Malls. I need a change of lifestyle!

Friends-wise... Well there's a couple of girls that seemed nice. I met them during Monday's cancelled lecture. The rest of the (malay) girls seem kinda quiet, and others are male foreigners so I felt a little bit awkward, knowing the noisy klutz that I am. It's okay though, this isn't high school anymore. Masters classes are not about sticking to your cliques. It's all about surviving in a man's world known as Engineering. I think I can do this.

I gotta take up 5 subjects in order to graduate within 3 semesters. It's a long bumpy ride, but I'm good to go. Stay positive, Anne!

I think I wrote a book about this... I got this. 

Day 1 : Changed Schedule & Meeting New People

Master Journey Sem 1, day 1... So i went to the first class yesterday, at 4pm which was 2 hours early to make sure i wouldn't get lost. Turned out they changed the class to Wednesday!!! And told us through email 30 mins before 6. I mean, who checks their email that often anymore? Hahaha... Now I know how students feel when we cancelled classes last minute. Lesson learned. But it was fun, though... I managed to not get lost. 😆. #studentlifeftw

In Universities, we have to be prepared for randomly changing class schedules. 

A photo of the Engineering Faculty Auditorium